Mercenary
by native outsider
Summary: Being Dauntless isn't just about the physical aspects, you have to focus on the mental side, be ready for anything. I was prepared to handle anything that came my way physically, but joining Dauntless proved to be much more difficult for my mental well being. I knew I'd have to leave most of my life behind, but what about the past that followed me here? How can I avoid that?


p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.1199998855591px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"Just breathe. Keep breathing. At this point there really wasn't much more I could tell myself to keep from freaking out as Natalie put my hair up. She wasn't my mother but she treated me like a daughter since my mother was executed. "Nervous?" She asked as she finished up. "Confused." I answered. /p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.1199998855591px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;""About?" She pressed on as she brushed my little baby hairs back. "I know which faction I belong in, and I know which one I should choose. But I don't know which one I will choose." I answered. Natalie was one of the few I trusted, she was always looking out for me, providing for me, the least I could do was provide her with honesty. /p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.1199998855591px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;""Just remember that the choice you make today will effect the rest of your life. Today you can be as selfish or selfless as you want." She tucked a stray strand behind my ear and placed a gentle kiss on my forehead. I couldn't understand, did she want me to leave? Was I a burden on her? /p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.1199998855591px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;""But I'd be leaving everything behind. You, little Beatrice, Caleb. I just don't know." It was hard for me to admit this, even to someone like Natalie who I trusted wholeheartedly. She gently placed her hand on my cheek. "You'll make the right choice when you get up there. Now come on, your sister's probably waiting for us." Natalie said as she led me downstairs. /p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.1199998855591px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;""Are you ready?" Natalie asked my sister who had woken up extra early so that I wouldn't have to. She was sitting at the table finishing up the breakfast I'd made. /p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.1199998855591px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"I never felt the need for a mirror when I was around her. We were twins-practically the same, but I was pudgier and my body was littered with scars resulting from a reckless youth. I never really thought I measured up to her. Despite the fact that we were twins I always felt as though she was the more beautiful one. It was a silly notion or so my mother had said, but it was a thought that constantly polluted my mind. /p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.1199998855591px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;""Always." She answered with a smile. She placed her dish in the sink where Caleb and Beatrice were washing up./p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.1199998855591px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"Of course my sister was eager to go, she knew where she belonged: Erudite, the Intelligent, it made sense really, she was the one warning me when we were children and had I listened to her I wouldn't have half the scars I did now. She was brilliant and she kept it hidden so as not to see too self centered, and it pained me to see her holding herself back. She deserved to be somewhere where she could show her full potential. /p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.1199998855591px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"The four of us walked hand in hand. My sister and I in the middle with Caleb holding onto Abigail's hand and Beatrice gripping mine-we did this to both guide them and also because it would most likely be the last time we'd see them. Andrew and Natalie walked a few feet behind us. /p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.1199998855591px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;""Have you thought any further about where you'll be going?" Abigail asked as we walked. "Well of course I've given it further thought Abigail." I answered back. It didn't matter to us that the children were listening, at nine years old they barely understood the process. /p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.1199998855591px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;""And have you come to a conclusion? The ceremony is in less than an hour-you're running out of time." She informed me. I let out a low sigh. "I understand that Abby, but it's not as easy for me as it is for you. You belong in Erudite, anyone with eyes and ears can see that, but-"/p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.1199998855591px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;""But nothing Annabella. You're not a Divergent, thank God for that, the only reason you want to stay in Abnegation is to be close to them, and while I agree that is would be the better alternative that is not where you belong." Abigail said harshly. "And you think I don't know that? I know where I belong, but I do have a shred of loyalty in me, so I'll ask you to forgive me for not wanting to leave my span style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-weight: inherit; font-style: oblique; font-size: 15.1199998855591px; font-family: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"family/span at the first sight of a better life." I shot back angrily. /p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.1199998855591px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;""Is that what you feel? You think I'm abandoning you? I'm doing what's best for me." Abigail said sounding hurt. "Abigail you forget, I've had those that I love leave me. I don't want to do the same to others. It's, It's just-"/p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.1199998855591px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;""Difficult. I know. Stay in Abnegation if you wish, stay with the Priors, it will not be where you are happiest, but you will be safe and that alone is more than what I can say for-"/p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.1199998855591px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;""I know. Thank you for your council." I said cutting off any further argument she might have. This was my choice to make, I couldn't let anyone else influence me. /p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.1199998855591px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"We walked the rest of the way in a tense silence, our eyes locked on nothing but the road ahead of us. There wasn't much else to say, at least nothing words could express. Besides we were entering the main part of the city and we were still technically apart of Abnegation and we all had roles to fill. /p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.1199998855591px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"The hub loomed over us so tall you couldn't see the top, it should've scared me, but all it did was remind me that once we reached the top I'd have to make a choice. /p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.1199998855591px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"None of the Abnegation took the stairs, we left them for the rest of the factions-instead we faced a steady climb to the top. The rhythm of everyone's steps provided the music for our climb. I could feel Beatrice slowing down as we reached the fifth floor, I knew she'd only slow the further we climbed. I bent down and pulled her into my arms. One day she'd have to make a fuss about her being able to manage the climb on her own, but today she could be a child. /p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.1199998855591px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;"She rested comfortably in my arms, her head laying delicately on my shoulder. I could feel her breath against my neck, making my baby hairs ruffle. "Are you leaving me?" She whispered into my ear. I felt my heart ache as the question left her lips and let out a gentle sigh. I gave her a small reassuring squeeze and placed a quick kiss on her cheek. "I don't know yet Sweetpea. But I will promise you one thing: No matter where I go or how far apart we are I will always love and remember you. And just think if I do leave you'll be able to visit me again in a few weeks." I was trying to be optimistic for her, but I didn't even know if Andrew would allow them to visit me, not if I left for another faction, or if he deemed the action too selfish./p  
p style="border: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 15.1199998855591px; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; list-style: none; margin: 1.286em auto; padding: 0px; line-height: 1.5; color: #2a2a2a;""I love you Annabella." She whispered as she tightened her arms around my neck. "I love you too Sweetpea." I whispered gripping her tighter, holding her for what might be the last time. It saddened me how much this was hurting her, but in the end this was my choice./p 


End file.
